


which is right (i love, or loved you?)

by amoureux



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: Accident, Coma, M/M, underworld-ish?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 10:57:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14103861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amoureux/pseuds/amoureux
Summary: bomin is in between being there and being gone and all he wants is for jangjun to be happy again but jangjun can't, not without him.





	which is right (i love, or loved you?)

**Author's Note:**

> so hello everybody!! it's been a long time since i last posted and i'm sorry if y'all were expecting a Grand comeback because this is - guess what - another thing i scribbled down in the middle of traffic lol. it's a bit heavier and sadder than my 3 previous works but i hope you guys like it!!
> 
> (also it's in lapslock because idk it feels more ~aesthetic~ that way lol)

 

bomin is a freshman. jangjun is a senior. they’re both in the school’s dance club. they fall in love, just like everyone else does.

it starts with jangjun’s number being given to bomin without him even knowing how. it starts with a lot of _hyung~_ s and _don’t call me hyung_ s and _hey hyung why won’t you answer me_ s and _don’t text me you’re annoying_ s. it starts with bomin falling in love with the wrong person and jangjun being there to catch him every time he falls. it starts with this, an “i like him” said too fast too early without thinking and an “i like you too” that shortly followed.

they fell in love. love was a cliff they drove off without warnings and they fell in love. they were happy. they were.

_they were._

until the tragedy comes too fast too soon without warnings as well. it comes out of a couple’s mouths as _dear, i’m so sorry_ and _it was all an accident_ and _please forgive us we’ll pay for the bills_ but to jangjun it sounds a lot more like _we were wasted and somehow your boyfriend was the one who ended up paying for our recklessness but we don’t care so hey just take our money and shut up._

until all jangjun has left of bomin other than memories is his sleeping form, static and steady in a hospital room that reeks of antiseptics. until all jangjun can hold onto is the 10% left of the 90% possibility that bomin won’t ever wake up, according to the doctors. until all jangjun has in his heart is pain pain _pain_ and _i love you i’m sorry_ and _come back to me please._

until all jangjun can do is leave and weep for bomin from a distance when both bomin’s parents and his beg for him to stop crying and go back to school.

 _he used to be such an energetic kid,_ they say. _such a waste,_ they whisper, pretending they don’t want jangjun to hear even though they know he hears them loud and clear. jangjun thinks: if this i’m a waste then what more of a waste was the loss of the boy with starlight in his eyes and sunshine in his smile and gold in his heart.

daeyeol tells him this has to stop. sungyoon tells him to just let bomin go. jaeseok tells him to pull himself back together. to which, jangjun has only one reply: _how?_ how do you let go of someone who let you know what it felt like to actually live?

jibeom tells him to smile again. youngtaek and the other kids from the dance club tell him they miss him and his lame jokes. and all jangjun can reply with is a weak _sorry,_ because you see, jangjun has always been plastering fake smiles onto his face and making a fool out of himself to make others happy. you see, bomin was the only one who taught jangjun how it was to actually smile from the bottom of his heart. you see, now that bomin’s gone he can’t smile genuine smiles anymore but he can’t smile fake ones either because he forgot how to thinking that he would never need to so long as he had bomin by his side.

but he doesn’t, right now. and he doesn’t know if he ever will again.

seungmin hits him on the head and nags, “he’ll wake up, stupid lee jangjun. hope is all you have left and yet you’re throwing it away.”

jangjun replies by crying into seungmin’s shoulder without words and the younger embraces him and whispers, _it’ll be okay._

and jangjun begins to hope again because that is all he can do. hope, hope, and hope that bomin will come back somehow even though a part of him thinks he never will. hope that he’s at least happy where he is if he’s never coming back. hope so much that it feels like everything is withering away except for the pain and memories of the boy he loved most.

 

-

 

bomin watches from afar.

he does not watch over jangjun like a guardian angel nor does he haunt him like a ghost (although that’s pretty much what he is now). rather, it comes to him in blurs and splashes, comes to him in random moments that don’t seem so random anymore now that all bomin does is either watch jangjun or wait for the moments when he gets to.

the underworld - or whatever this is - is unforgiving. there is a long line of people bound by chains and they march and march, only sitting on rides on ships over oceans with murky waters that reek of regrets and longing and there is a child in front of him wondering where he is and a mother behind him crying about her daughter whom she left behind and as much as bomin would like to bring a smile to both of them all bomin does is wonder. wonder how jangjun is doing. wonder if jangjun will be fine. wonder if he can ever come back to jangjun. but he does not wonder when jangjun will come here to be with him because there is a long, long list of things that bomin does not want and that is what sits at the top.

views of jangjun come to him in the form of passing clouds. in images forming in the water. in dreams, or nightmares, rather. the sound of jangjun’s weeping crawls into his ears and into his mind and his heart and does not ever make its way out of there and bomin wants one thing, one thing.

_please be happy again._

and amidst all the wondering, amidst all the longing and the sorrow and the wishes that are never heard, somehow bomin is at the gates of some kind of haven and there is a blue ball of fire talking to him but he does not mind. his mind is filled by one thing, rather, one person and one person _only._

the ball of fire asks him. _do you have anything that you wish for?_  

bomin’s eyes light up the way they used to, the way he hasn’t in so long and he says one thing in one breath, one cry. _please make him happy again._  

but the ball of fire just vanishes and bomin remembers that wishes are often just wishes and never realities and he wonders why he ever expected anything more when he never wished for anything in the first place and yet had everything taken away from him.

so bomin walks. walks disappointed but not surprised. keeps walking and walking as if walking would grant his wish somehow. keeps walking and walking, and all of a sudden -

he is no longer in the desolate dark roads of the underworld. he is no longer walking but lying down in a hospital bed.

two boys, the sound of the cardiac monitor, a white room with clean walls and clean sheets almost but not quite as pure as what binds them.

bomin moves his hand to rub his eyes and when he opens them again, he sees what he wants to see most and it’s jangjun with large tear-filled eyes and a big bright smile.

_“you- you’re, you’re back.”_

_“yeah, i guess i am.”_

and somehow, both of them are happy again.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading i love you <3
> 
> as always, feel free to say hi to me on twitter @snowbomin!!


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